Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
