I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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