I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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