I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
