dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
