My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
