I heard we made out
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
