is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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