So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
How does one acquire holy water?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
