I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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