I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
