Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
