My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you never un-have a 4some
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
