Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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