i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Welp...herpes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
