even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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