call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
