Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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