I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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