I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
