you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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