I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
