What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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