I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
