I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
