Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
