i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
