Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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