Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
with your own penis?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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