We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sponge bath it is.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
