2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
