i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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