dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
