nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
