We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize