I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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