you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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