They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you traded sex for a burrito?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
