who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
