So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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