i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bring money and cleavage
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
