I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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