So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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