I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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