let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
