Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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