how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
