You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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