The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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