guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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