i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
