trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
