I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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