Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
