Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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