I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
