Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
