If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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