How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
