I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Randomize
