oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
