I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize