I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
