to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
