He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
