Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
