you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I will pee on everything he values.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
