Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
