My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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