Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
