i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
