I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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