Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
