Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
