I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize