I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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