in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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