is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
