just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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