did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
