Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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