I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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